The best

Learning and being content and being grateful. I dont know how often i will myself to be grateful, its a lot. I dont know how being grateful and trying to be content works for me. Because being grateful has to do with being content with what you have. And when you have everything in the world, but feel completely unable to do anything at all with what you have, than it just feels like hell.


After The Fall of The World

During the fall of Rath Northans Empire the lost souls caught wind of an uprising.

This Story is about the destruction of the world and the chaos that ensued.

A log of events. People and places, found in the aftermath.

-My name is Rinse and I’m sorry to say this but I am your worst nightmare. A Ghoul, an invader, an imposter. I am a Noobian, maybe you’ve heard of my planet– Noob…

-With the absence of harl marng the world changed. What happened? Grief and loss and suffering. The anger of the Gods can never restore what has been lost.

No longer do farmers sow in the spring. No longer do hunters hunt in the Great Forrests.

The world has turned into a killing field.

-The falls of grishfaylar are frozen this winter and the progress of the people has slowed to a halt. The mill of hansmoran is frozen and Aunt Bessie’s cow wont milk. My name is PewPew and I am seeking help for my people…

-Here now my pupils, the time is ripe to strike. The Pylons at the edge of the edge of the world must fall, who is with me?

-THE SIFTING is nothing without hope great captain. The Effusees have left us.

– With the fall of silem the query is lost, we are doomed.



Its 4 in the AM on Wednesday and im wide awake… Sleep has a way of evading me. Im up and my mind is racing and im struggling with my thoughts( and i remember a councilor i had in rehab saying Chris, Thoughts are Thoughts, nothing more)and it helps because I realize, like i did in that moment, that sometimes all the crazy and all the turmoil of life dont mean a “got dern” thing when I dont feed into it…


Etching the borders of I’m alright I’m doing just fine.

Maybe problems and setbacks are a constant in life. The only thing that rings true every time you wake up is the depression that waits to stomp out your fire. Or the Anxiety that haunts every move you make. Or the Anger that seems relentless when everything is falling apart. Or the Confusion that comes with loss.

Maybe the difference between “stuck” and “making it,” is you. It’s the small decisions you make everyday to change your life. It’s the I’m not gonna yell today when I get angry. Or anxiety is kicking my butt right now and I’m freaking out, but I’ll take those deep breaths and keep moving. It’s the I don’t feel like getting out of bed today, but instead I’ll get up and do some chores, it’s the I’ll like your post even though I hate you. It’s the I’ll make this life better, both for me and for you even during the struggle.

Maybe this message has gotten old, maybe positivity feels like the dull drum that plays on repeat in the background. It has gotten old and it is the dull drum. But today is a new day and so is tomorrow. So take measures right now and keep yourself together. If you do one thing, only one thing that keeps your mind together that keeps you sober that gets you through this next moment. Than that’s enough.

When life falls apart, put yourself back together. Trust in God. The One who has had your back so many times before, even when you couldn’t notice.


Steps. Steps. Steps. Taking those steps. Keep taking ’em. Keep trying, keep etching the borders of blueprints, keep making the next day your best day yet, soon it will be your best day ever and the best week ever and the best month ever and then it will be the best life ever.

Today, for me, feels monumental.  It’s the place between learning  the equation and solving it.

Raise your hand if  your coming up around the corner of 5th and over-it.

It feel like life is hard master. And your a Hebrew slave trying to figure out how to deal with the oppression of 100s of years of slavery. And that’s how depression feels for you today. Waking up with a cloud over your head, sending down lightning and fire from the sky over your day.

Can the real moses please stand up? You know what im saying you know whay i mean?

It’s like your wandering in the wilderness, because the past 37 years of wandering haven’t taught you to trust God. It’s like your belief in a God was contingent upon romanticizing the idea of a God who would save you out of Egypt. Now that you are in all actuality saved, you cannot seem to grasp the goodness of the real God working on your behalf.

The mysterious God made manifest is hard to come to grips with. Moses will tell you that his brother Aaron will tell you that. Both men examples of servants used by God to express his will and plans for the people of Israel and to see them through. While this Depression and anxiety hangs over your head, threatening to ruin your way of living. You must come to terms with a God who is willing and able to take you out of Egypt, through the wilderness, and into Canaan. Take the first step towards God today.

Do Your Chores And Drink Lots Of Coffee

I keep thinking about productivity. I keep thinking about what separates those of us who have “made it,” and those of us still short of making it. Sometimes we separate who we are and who we want to be. And in our depression we lose sight of the goals we once had, we become mundane creatures who conform to the problems that haunt our world. Depression is real, anxiety is real. It can be the silent death that falls upon us.

It’s time to escape. It’s time to make a change, make a difference. It’s time to turn our problems into the boat of resistance upon this rocky ocean. The last boat home.

It takes courage, it takes patience, and most of all, it takes resilience. Because each day that I wake up and accomplish something, I am one step closer to the victory. The finish line. The home plate. Each day I strive to smile and make the next right choice, I win.

And winning this battle, that is all that matters.

The muscle inside your cheeks and the corresponding brain syntax that tells your ugly face to smile, hasn’t gotten much use lately. That’s bad. I mean, it’s not good. How long has it been since you’ve really laughed, and I don’t mean just laughed, I mean deep belly, tears pouring out your eyes laughed. When was the last time a smile meant something to you.

The bird is not the word. The Smile is the word.

And I could go on about depression and why it hurts so much and all the reasons life doesn’t seem to go my way. But do you know how much a smile is worth? Do you know how much a smile means to someone on their worst day of living? When everything seems to go wrong, when the whole world is at odds with you trying to get through the day… a smile of recognition.

I hope you smile so much it hurts. I hope the smile on your face becomes this weeks contagion, this months. And I hope you laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh. 🙂